Graciousness as a Competitive Advantage
I took my son to see the xx at Ascend Amphitheater in Nashville recently. It was three days after the Las Vegas shooting, and being at an outdoor concert was a little unnerving. Oliver Sims, bass player and lead singer for the band, acknowledged this in an apolitical and non-creepy way. He said, “We’re living in very scary times. We hope when you come here, you’re able to leave whatever is troubling you at home and just enjoy yourself.” Simple and heartfelt. No big deal perhaps, but I’ve seen rock stars blow that situation and insult their audience.
Ascend Amphitheater ready for xx
This was the second time I’d seen the xx. The first time was at the Ryman Auditorium, and the band clearly acknowledged the history and spirit of the place. It may have been delusional, but I was sure I heard some extra twang in Romy’s guitar and some special poignancy in the band’s Love Gone Bad lyrics during that show.
Graciousness Builds Trust
Acknowledging who you are with, their history, their struggles and triumphs, is graciousness, and it’s an awesome sales technique. We want to buy from people and products we trust. It’s hard to establish trust if you have no empathy, if you don’t acknowledge your audience. Why should I buy from someone who’s guiding principle is “I care nothing for you”? Yet this sort of positioning is all around us. It’s the punk rock ethos. I’m inviting you on my trip of destruction. Together we’ll upend the status quo and create a new adventure. Anarchy. Sheesh - I prefer empathy.
Answer All the Pesky Emails
How many times have you sent an email or left a message and gotten no response? It’s so common now we don’t even call it rude. Want to stand out? Answer your emails. We all get way too many, and between texts and Slack and endless notifications, we’re bombarded with being in touch. Maybe that’s why so many of us must put on our headphones and play our music at deafening levels to get something done: we’re too pestered by messages to communicate.
I recently got an email on a Sunday night from a colleague at a leading design consultancy and innovation lab working at the intersection of the physical and digital worlds. He gave me a quick update on his work and priorities to continue a communication we’d begun a few weeks ago. A note like that is human centered design in practice. I was impressed not because writing a follow up note is hard, but because it’s rare, and it’s gracious.
The Humility Imperative
My friend Andrew Kerr has written a leadership book about the importance of humility called The Humility Imperative. Andrew believes that humility will find us, one way or another, and we’d better be ready to accept it if we don’t want to get completely knocked on our ass. That’s why I love graciousness. Graciousness is the action that comes from genuine humility. Graciousness is knowing that it’s not all about you, that other people matter, and that acknowledging common humanity and equal worth helps everyone. It’s also self-interest rightly understood. We tend to get more of what we project into the world. Projecting grace helps us receive grace.
Write The Thank You Note
So, write a thank you note. Send a progress update. Invite the new person at the office to lunch. Bring in banana bread. Send a birthday note on LinkedIn. The smallest things can make an enormous difference, particularly when those things are rare.
Read more about essential virtues for product managers in our post A New Definition of Product Management.