Experience is Not the Same Thing as Trust
Writer and actor Mary Frances Noser reflects on trusting yourself enough to earn the trust of others, no matter your formal experience.
We’ve all felt it: the heart pounding, palm sweating, stomach twisting experience of presenting, pitching, auditioning, or interviewing for something that seems just so far out of our league. It’s a string of Me? Here? Holy cow. I really hope I don’t mess this up. Or: Do they know I haven’t done this before? Geez, I hope I don’t seem like a complete loser.
But in reality, none of us would be in this situation if we didn’t have anything to offer the conversation. So how do we get over our lack of confidence?
By centering ourselves. Below are some pointers which have helped me center myself before entering ‘The Big Room.” I hope some of them resonate with you, too.
How to Prepare for a Big Pitch
Define what “professionalism” means to you in that specific moment. Professionalism is defined very differently in different fields. You need to take direction well to be an actor, but to be an accountant or field engineer it’s helpful to think first on your own and then ask for direction. Define what’s needed of you in the circumstance and bring your creativity to that interaction. Think in detail and seek ideas outside your brief. Ask questions of your collogues and when in doubt, draw strength from your morals.
Ask yourself: How is Trust being defined in this situation? I believe most of our second guessing comes from not trusting in ourselves. It’s hard for others to trust you when they don’t have proof you can do what you say you can do, and they haven’t seen your work before. But growth only comes from risk, so it’s in the company/ person’s best interest to take a risk on those who may not be “experienced” because they may be the missing voice which moves the company or production forward. Extend the hand of trust to those you are meeting with- they want you to succeed as much as you do.
Remember what’s often called “professional experience” is colored by societal bias. So do your best to settle into your confidence, and leave their “What If’s” at the door. You are worthy. You are enough.
If someone does seek to undermine your professional experience, find your allies and stand up for yourself in the way you see fit. If the company can’t take it, that’s not who you want to work with. Your talents are too valuable to be undercut.
You’ve settled into your confidence, and you’ve defined how you are going to be professional in this particular situation. But your hands start sweating in the parking lot before the interview, and your mouth is so dry it feels like you won’t be able to talk. Get a drink of water, take a deep breath, and pull out this second list.
Mary Frances’ Seven Affirmations for Walking into the Big Room
You know your shit. Now it’s up to you to own your shit. Not in a hot-headed way, but in a believe-you-can-do-what-has-been-asked-of-you way. You deserve to be in that room.
Lean into what you don’t know! Walk in with grace and openness, but don’t put out your own fire. Remember we often end up undercutting ourselves before anyone else does because it’s so much, much easier to imagine a world where you fail instead you succeed
When in doubt, imagine your childhood-self cheering you on.
Listen. And I mean really listen. Take in what those around you are saying before you format what you want to say. You’ll be amazed how it opens the room to your ideas and others to you.
Lean into the cycle of persistence. You may get into the room, present your idea, and it’s not listened to the first time. Okay. Did they give you any feedback you think is worthy? Take the feedback into account, but ONLY if you feel like it would make your idea better. And if not – knock on a different door. And another. And if that group doesn’t listen, you will find one who does.
Your actions have ramifications beyond just you. Every time you assert your knowledge with humility and grace, you are making it easier for everyone else after you.
Once you say it/ do it/ present it, let it go. You did your part. Reflect if you feel the need, but it’s done now. Let the next opportunity present itself.
Don’t let your fear rob you of your joy in life or in work. You’ve got this.