Choosing Your Pack Mates

Whether you’re picking a mate, an adopted family, or a running buddy, deciding who you spend time with is the most important decision you can make. This applies as much to who you work with as it does who you live with.

Dogs are pretty snooty about who they’ll run with. I’ve never pulled a sled, though I bet I could. What we don’t think much about are the families who adopt us — our adopted pack. We trust in luck. It doesn’t take much to make us happy. This is not true of humans or investors. If you’re stuck in a pack that runs in circles, you’re likely to come home in a stink. Humans don’t have well-developed forgetters like dogs, and it takes a lot more to make them happy.

To all my human pals, don’t pick your adopted pack like a dog. You’re not strong enough.

Look for character before skills

Dogs have vague criteria for who to spend time with. We use things like, “Another dog, maybe one that looks like me.” You should be more specific, though not about appearance or skills. Be specific about character. Look for things like curiosity and a willingness to admit errors. What’s not so important are skills like standing on your hind legs and hopping in a circle. 

Most of us can learn new skills if we need to. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” is stupid and was never said by a dog. Tricks are not hard to learn if you have the right character, support, and incentives. Changing character is hard. Once a bad dog, always a bad dog.

I can stand a dog who drops the frisbee every now and then. I can’t stand a dog who doesn’t try.

Make a commitment

Dogs are bad at long-term relationships. With other dogs, we come and go without a word. We can co-develop a pile of puppies and never feel a twinge of guilt for not providing any support. Don’t be like us. When you choose who you want to co-develop with, don’t do it thinking you can always dump them if you see a better offer. 

We dogs don’t just walk away from relationships without thinking; we also stay in them without thinking. House dogs don’t stick around out of love; most are too lazy to look for a better offer. It works for us, but it’s wrong for humans. We’re not choosy where you should be — selecting who joins your pack — and we stick around where you should leave — when you know the pack you're in is not for you.

Be specific about what you want, but don’t be biased

One way we dogs have it over you humans is that we have awesome criteria for what we want from relationships. Most people do not. Dogs want things like food, companionship, puppies, and a good time. People want things like, “a leading contributor individually and as a team member, providing direction and mentoring to others.” Huh? Stick to outcomes and be specific. 

Don’t pick a mate because they look like you. Diverse backgrounds and experience work for dogs and people both. I had a very definite idea about what makes a beautiful companion. I had to get over that bias to live with Tom, and it’s worked out great. You can manage your biases, too.

Delegate, but don’t rely on automation

You can’t automate mate selection. Why would you teach a computer to read resumes to pick your dog? What good are resumes, anyway? I can’t even read. If my pack is small — one or two other dogs - I can pick the third dog. Once I get past about five dogs, I need to trust other members of the pack to make smart choices. Just because I don’t like another dog doesn’t mean they can’t help us get the food we’re looking for. Character and culture and are the best ways to define who runs with your pack, not algorithms.

Understand the incentives you create

We learn more by observing then by being told what to do. Tom feeds me from the table, so no one can blame me for begging, no matter how much they tell me not to. 

Do you know all the incentives you’re creating for your pack? How do you respond when a big dog suggests a bad idea? Dogs can politely ignore the suggestion and know the suggester will soon forget. People are not so lucky. If you have no prioritization, you can interrupt valuable work to track down an idea that stinks. No one needs confirmation to know a dead bird when they smell it. 

If you want to learn more about how to grow a great pack, check out our webinar, “How to Attract, Develop, and Keep Good People.” Tom talks with five other successful entrepreneurs about the strategies they’ve used to build great team and company culture.